Chapter 9 : Friends, Lovers and Families

Friendship

What is it? Why is it essential for us to make friends?

Friendship is considered an interpersonal relationship. Friendships must be mutually productive, and is characterized by a few factors such as support, trust and sharing interest. There are three types of friendships :

• Reciprocity (used for close friends)
• Receptivity (students and lecturers)
• Association (neighbors)

Many individuals seek friendship for :

• Utility purposes (aiding to achieve goals)
• Affirmation (helping to recognize potential)
• Ego support (supporting and encouragement)
• Stimulation (new ideas)
• Security (prevention from getting hurt)

There are also 3 development stages of friendships :

• Initial contact and acquaintanceship
• Casual friendship
• Close and intimate friendship

Friendships are also affected by three different factors which are :

• Culture
• Gender
• Technology

Romantic Relationships

There are six different types of love :

• Eros : Erotic, lust and desire
• Ludus : Fun and excitement
• Storge : Peaceful and slow
• Pragma : Practical and traditional
• Mania : Extremist of opposites
• Agape : Unconditional love

Different cultures have different interpretations of love, for example, in the United States of America, many couples are more explicit when it comes to showing their love in public. But when it comes into comparison with eastern countries, it's the other way around. For many male individuals, the usual type of love is either "Ludus" or "Eros", whereas for women, it is usually "Pragma".

Family

• Every family would have common traits such as : 
• Defined roles
• Recognition of responsibilities
• Shared history and future
• Shared living space

There are three types of families, they are :

• Traditional families (conventional form of families)
• Independent (focuses on the individuals as the main theme)
• Separate (staying together for benefits)

Families usually stick to 4 principles of communication :

• a. Equality (equal respect and understanding)
• b. Balanced Split (equal responsibility)
• c. Monopoly (only one doing all the works)
• d. Unbalanced split (one person in the family is the authorizer/authority)

Chapter 7 and 8: Interpersonal Communication

Chapter 7 and 8: Interpersonal Communication

What is Interpersonal Communication?

Interpersonal Communication is a two way communication between the sender and the receiver.

The conversation process of Interpersonal Communication is segregated into 5 different processes which are :

• Opening : First step in conversation
• Feedforward : Second step in conversation
• Business : Third stage in communication and the message portion
• Feedback : Fourth stage in communication and the response stage
• Closing : The fifth and final stage of communication

There are 3 types of principles of conversation, they are :

• Principles of Turn - Taking
• Principles of Dialogue
• Principles of Immediacy

Everyday Conversations :

• Small talk
• Excuses and Apologies
• Complimenting
• Advice

There are six types of relationship stages, they are :

• Contact : First stage of relationship where people become aware of another's existence.
• Involvement : Second stage of relationship where people have tighter bonds and engagements with one another
• Intimacy : Third stage of relationship where people have a deep and committed relationship
• Deterioration : Fourth stage of relationship where other communication factors such as temporal, cultural or societal context weakens the bonds with one another
• Repair : Fifth stage of relationship where those affected in deterioration stage try to work things out
• Dissolution : Sixth and final stage of relationship where bonds are broken or returned to a platonic. 

There are also six type of relationship theories :

• Attraction Theory
• Relationship Rules Theory
• Relationship Dialectics Theory
• Social Penetration Theory
• Social Exchange theory
• Equity Theory

There are also dark sides of Interpersonal communication : 

• Cognitive Jealousy
• Emotional Jealousy
• Behavioral Jealousy

Chapter 6 : Non-Verbal Communication

What is Non-verbal communication?

It is a communication without words like gesture, touch and tone. Even, appearance and body smell counts too. Anything basic human senses can sense other than hearing words.

• Body Gestures
• Facial Expressions
• Paralanguage
• Touch
• Clothing
• Smell/Odor

Nonverbal communication consists of 6 functions : 

1. integrating nonverbal and verbal messages - used to form complement impression.

    * accent/emphasize the verbal message

    * add meaning to verbal message

    * contrast the verbal message

    * regulate and control verbal message 

    * substitute verbal message 

2. forming and managing impressions 

 i. Being liked

ii. Being believed
iii. Avoiding failure
iv. Securing help
v. Hiding faults
vi. To be followed
vii. Confirming self image and to communicate it to others

Defining relationships are also essential for an individual, there are 4 ways of how relationships are defined :

a. To employers
b. To normal friends
c. To best friends
d. To first few dates with the person you're attracted to

Influencing and Deceiving

I. Influence : Affirming statement that has been said, and also to offer support.

II. Deceive : Covering a "white" lie, normally communicated towards someone who already know you are lying to someone else.

There are 10 ways of how Non-Verbal communication can be channeled, they are :
a. Smell
b. Facial
c. Silence
d. Eye
e. Chronemics
f. Touch
g. Paralanguage
h. Body Message
i. Spatial Message
j. Artifactual communication

There are 10 channels of nonverbal communication. But we only discussed 3 in class due to the lack of time. 

1. body movements - there are 5 types of body movements.

    * emblems

    * illustrators

    * regulators

    * affect displays

    * adaptors

    body appearance - influences how you communicate and how people commucnicate with you.

2. facial communication

    - degree of pleasantness, agreement, and sympathy felt.

    - there are certain facial management techniques like : 

3. eyes communication 

    - one of the most important communication.

    - its functions are :

      * seek feedback

      * signal openness

      * change psychological distance 

      * help others maintain privacy 

      * signal lack of interest

Chapter 5B

For this weeks class, our lecturer emphasized on the second half of chapter 5. The second half of the chapter emphasizes on the topics of "Racism, Sexism, Heterosexism and Ageism".

Racism : Anything that makes race looks inferior to another race. 

It is important that we must always avoid being racist, and at the same time avoiding racist remarks which may cause unnecessary events to occur.

Few suggestions to avoid racist remarks would include :

a. Avoid using derogatory terms for members of a particular race

b. Avoiding interacting with members of other races through stereotypes perpetuated by the media

c. Never generalize and connect attacks with extremists of religions

Sexism : Practicing or supporting favoritism that may criticize of having bias-ness towards a specific gender.

Suggestions to avoid sexist remarks

a. Avoid using man/women generically. Gender-neutral terms can easily be substituted.

b. Do not insult or attribute others according to gender bias.

c. Refrain from using he and his as generic. Alternating pronouns, restructuring sentences to eliminate any reference.

Heterosexism : Attitudes, behaviors and languages used to disparage gays and lesbians. The type of language that presumes that all people are heterosexual.

Suggestions to avoid heterosexism

a. Avoiding offensive nonverbal mannerisms that may parody people who are stereotypical.

b. Avoiding "complimenting" gay men and lesbians on their heterosexual appearance.

c. Avoiding the assumption and individual gay person can speak for all gay people.

Ageism : Discrimination towards individuals based on age, usually is directed towards older people.

a. Avoid putting off someone because he or she is older.

b. Being patient with older individuals.

c. Never assume that older individuals are not interested in relationships.

d. Never assume that older people are not interested in the world around them.

Verbal Messages can : 

a. Symbolize Reality : Representing things, events, situations and the people around us.

b. Expresses both facts and Inference : Messages are infused with emotions, thoughts and feelings.

c. Be relatively static : Messages used are formed as part of our judgement and perception.

d. Obscure Distinctions : Messages can be confusing and can over generalize contexts and people.

Class replacement

Class replacement .....

Today is our presentation days for all the groups.

To be honest, our member had something come up so we all had absent on that day.

Chapter 5A : Verbal communication

Hello! Today we are going to learn Verbal communication

Messages are commonly defined as an interaction among the communicators using verbal languages. Verbal communication includes using words in order to describe the message or information that you're trying to convey to the receiver. Also, messages have to be conveyed effectively in order for the receiver to understand and come to an agreement on what is being said. 

An effective communicator always follows the principles of verbal messages which are :

• Messages Meanings are in People
• Messages are Denotative and Connotative
• Meanings Depend on Context and Abstraction
• Messages Vary in Politeness
• Messages Vary in Assertiveness
• Messages can Deceive

1. Message Meanings are in People
   -People may say different words but the same meaning.
   -People may also say the same words but different meaning.
   For example :
   " I love banana" & "Banana is my life" - same meaning, different things.
   " Would you like to have a cup of tea?" & " He is not my cup of tea."- same things, different meaning.
   -This is because message don't channeled through words only, but through people too.
   - It could actually leads to miscommunication.

       2. Message/Languages are Denotative and Connotative

          Denotative : Word's objective definition, also known as the dictionary meaning.

           Connotative : The word's subjective or emotional meaning. 

      3.Meanings depend on Context/Abstraction

           - Meanings are different in different context either verbally or non-verbally.
               eg : How are you? can mean "Hello" and "Are you feeling better?"


       4.Messages Vary in Politeness

           The term "Politeness" is considered to be universal across every culture. However, as universal as it           may be, there are still differences which exists, especially when it comes to the concerning of how         

       politeness is defined, expressed and honored.

       Directness : Usually less polite when used while speaking to people

       Indirectness : Allows individuals to express desires without insulting or offending anyone, or even to ask                                for compliments in a socially acceptable manner. 

The Miracle Worker

The story is about a blind, deaf and mute girl out of her world of darkness and silence.

Helen : A blind sweet girl
Annie : A Teacher of Helen to teach her how to communicated with her family members.
Kate Keller : Mother of Helen
Captain Arthur H. Keller : Father of helen

Helen has been unable to communicate with her family except through physical temper tantrums since a childhood illness took her three senses . She is allow to eat with her hands, and knock over or break anything and basically do whatever else she desires.Her family loves her but they are all convinced she is a dumb, soft-brained child with the intelligence of an animal who will never learn anything. She is barely pacified with candy when she throws a tantrum and is headed toward institutionalization in a sanitarium when Annie Sullivan enters her life as Helen’s parents' last-ditch effort to avoid the inevitable.

Annie Sullivan has the right mix of steeliness, empathy and patience to turn her young student's behavior around and teach her language.

Annie’s goal is to not just teach Helen to behave but to break through to her with the gift of communication. Using sign language and signing the letters to spell words in Helen’s open palm, Annie makes large strides toward improving Helen’s behaviour.

After two weeks of living alone with Helen in a small house on the Keller family plantation Annie is still unable to reach a break through with Helen when her mandated time deadline is reached. During Helen’s homecoming dinner she begins to revert to her old ways of acting. Annie takes Helen outside to refill a water pitcher she spilled during a tantrum at the pump and the long-awaited breakthrough is made. Helen makes the connection that the words Annie has been spelling in her open palm are in reality the communicative representation of those things in the physical world around her. The word “water” is the wet fluid coming out of the water pump. With this connection the doorway for communication is opened to Helen, and she can now survive and thrive in the world through the eyes and ears of others.